Life with Santa
By the Upper School Songwriters and Jan.
Sung to the tune of Turkey in the Straw.
1. Poor Mrs. Santa was very depressed!
She never got presents like all the rest ..
she was too busy for laughin' and lovin' ..
makin' 20 billion cookies in her microwave oven!
2. She said "Santa, there's gotta be a change!"
So he fixed the oven racks in her range ..
he told the elves "don't bug her for a while" ..
and he patted her hand and he gave her a smile.
3. "It's not enough!" Mrs. Santa shouted ..
and she ranted and raved and puffed and pouted!
Then she ran off with an elf named Guido ..
they got a condominium in Toledo.
4. But Guido started to neglect 'er ..
so she moved to Atlanta with an elf named Hector.
But Hector's cigars began to choke 'er ..
and besides, he was always playing poker.
5. So she got herself a fast kayak ..
she thought she'd ask for her old job back.
Well what did she find when she got back to town ..
but a cookie-baking "cookie," with eyes of brown!
6. Mrs. Santa said, "who are you?"
She said "I'm Sylvia, how do you do?
I bake the cookies and the cakes and the pies ..
for that cute little Santa, with the twinkly blue eyes!"
7. Mrs. Santa said "Bless my soul!"
Then she said to Rudolph, "Take her to the South Pole.
Drop her somewhere, not too specific ..
with balloons to keep her floating in the Pacific!"
8. Then Santa took his Mrs. and he hugged & kissed 'er.
He told her just how much he'd missed 'er.
She said, "Santa, I'll come home to stay ..
but, this year .. YOU bake the cookies, and I'LL drive the sleigh!"
9. Santa said "HO HO .. we'll make a truce ..
I'll bake the spritz and the pfefferneüse!
You'll take the presents to Cincinatti ..
and to all the kids who live near old Mt. Battie!"
10. Meantime, Sylvia swam for New Delhi.
She swam on her back, and she swam on her belly.
Then Shamu the whale gave her a tow ..
and she went on the Phil Donahue show.
11. She wrote a book that was a hum-dinger ..
about how Mr.s Santa became a swinger.
But back at the Pole, things were hunky-dory ..
and there's a happy ending to this here story.
12. This year Mrs. Santa's flyin' overhead ..
and Santa's baking the gingerbread.
So hang your stocking and deck the hall ..
we hope this Christmas is the best one of all!