The Low-Down Singin' Talkin' Quadruple By-Pass Blues
By Jan Harmon
words and music © 1988
1. It ain't the cigarettes, the Hagan Daz,
the booze .. that pre-disposes
this awful pain that the doctors name
ARTERIAL SCLEROSIS! ...
It's 'cuz my sugar daddy's gone
on the Noon Express. Yes, he's ..
found another. Now, some big fat tears
has clogged my arteries!
CHORUS: OH, the Surgeon General should go
and label it! 'Cuz of
the ABC's in heart disease, the worst is
L-0-V-E .. LOVE!
2. Now, any ordinary dude, you know ..
TOM, DICK or HARRY ..
can in some women-folk, provoke
a massive CORONARY!
Can cause her heart to fibrillate,
and throw them PVC's!
Why, I've had the Quadruple By-pass Blues,
since my man by-passed met
3. He was my Junkfood Jelly-roll!
My Fast-food's Gypsy Davey!
Sunday come to dinner ..
sop my biscuits in his gravy!
Now all I got's this GREASY SPOT
where he wiped his lips, and RAN ..
And a flabby, fat, infarcted heart
on the echo-scan.
4. OH, some men ooze them Sugar Blues
with every word they utter ...
Take the milk'o human kindness,
and just churn it into butter. Well ..
it ain't CHOLESTEROL, my friend,
that'll cause your heart to break.
WOMAN .. GIVE UP ON THAT CANDY-MAN ..
You're safer with a STEAK.
5. I tried to change my habits once.
But, have you ever dated
a man chock full of NUTRISWEET, who's
POLYUNSATURATED .. ?
Well .. I guess I'd rather die .. in .. vein .. (pause)
when I am only 40 ..
than live to be a hundred
with a virginal aeorty!
CHO. 2X or more ..
(And write your OWN last verse!)